


with or without you

by snjeguljica33



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Jude Kinkade/Zero | Gideon - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-27 16:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12085272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snjeguljica33/pseuds/snjeguljica33
Summary: blues story....so...who knows...





	1. Chapter 1

Zero standing out in the rain does not know how long. He is no longer sure whether rain or tears flow through his cheeks. This is definitely the end.

He wanted to say another million words, but he knew it did not make sense. Jude was determined. He did not want kids. He did not want kids, with him.  
He was in mortal fear that one day he would turn into an Oscar and could not go over it. As much as Zero argues, Jude did not give up.

And Zero could not go over it, no matter how much he loved him, and loved him more than anything else. He loved him in every part of his being. He could not imagine life without him, but no more with him either. What's left him then?  
He was afraid this was going to happen once, but to his horror today is that day.

Finally, he started out of the place and drove to the hotel. Hell is starting tomorrow, and he does not know how to survive.

Lay dressed among the cool sheets. He have not slept alone for a long time. He missing Jude heat, but can not give up. This is one of the things he can not overcome and pretend as if everything is fine.

He knows what to do tomorrow. Get out of this damn city that gave him everything, and now he took everything from him. Fuck LA, fuck Devils, fuck Jude too... finally close eyes swollen with tears and fall into a dreamless sleep.

*  
Jude does not sleep all night. He remained sitting in his armchair when Zero slammed the door and since then there was no power to stand up. Everything hurts him to think it's over, and Zero has really gone.

***

Since the day when he mentioned the children's room through the joke, Zero was more and more talking about the children. Initially, he turned all over the joke, then said he still had time, and in the end he had to tell him that he did not want kids, never.  
The fear was stronger than it was. He could not escape Oscar's genes. Despite Zero persuasion, Jude simply did not believe in himself.

And Zero wanted kids a lot. Ever since he met Jude, he knew he was the only person with whom he wanted the children, and then had a cold shower. That person did not want to do that with him. 

 

***  
Zero things are still here, and he will not come back. He does not know where he went, but he did not have the right to know.

He still refuses to believe that all this is happening, but in the depths of the heart he knows. No more return.

The next morning the rain continues to fall, so small, boring. Jude pain headache, eyes, soul ... he not closed his eyes all night and he knew he was unable to go to work. Tell secretary he will not come today, so he falls into bed and finally falls asleep from tiredness and sorrow.

*  
Zero got up early and was already at the airport. He wants to disappear as soon as possible from all that binds him to Jude. He did not choose much, but it was important that escape as far as possible.  
All he needed can buy later. He was angry and unhappy, so he wanted Jude to suffer. He was glad he left all his belongings, and he knew that would hurt him.  
"I love you" he whispers as the plane moves as though Jude would hear him. All his anger and sorrow will not change that.

*  
Jude was forced to go to work the following day. There will be questions and he will have to endure everything what a day it brings, but he did not expect this. Nobody knew where Zero was. He did not know if he felt relief or horror.

He is trying to answer something neutral now and throw himself to work if he can.

*  
Several tedious days pass, and everyone is clear that Zero has disappeared. Jude barely works. Of all the worse it is that he is only guilty and can not do anything to correct this.   
He even has no right to suffering.  
Lionel tries to shake him, but this time Jude does not want to talk to her either. Not yet.

Jude does not have other than to live day by day. To fully devote himself to work and not allow anyone to mention Zero. Maybe succeeds preserves common sense.

*  
Zero landed in New York this afternoon. He took a deep breath and caught a taxi to the hotel. He decided not only to leave LA, but also basketball.   
Tell his lawyers to pay as much as they need to never go back. Of course, they does everything in silence without telling anyone where he is.

It is determined to start a whole new life, trying to keep up on the feet. Life is cruel, he has learned it as a child, so if he survived then he will have to do it now too.


	2. Chapter 2

Zero thinks of what he can do here. With Jude, he became a new man, there was no trace of old Zero. He did not rush. Maybe he could meet the city before.

The first thing he do, find a hairdresser and give back your natural hair color. He hoped to reduce the number of people who would stop him and remind him of the past.  
After that he went shopping for the basic stuff he needed.  
There is luck NY is really a city where no one is a big star. If someone recognized him, they did not pay attention to him.

With a full-handed bag, he returns to the hotel and sits on his laptop to see where he will be located. This time it will be different. He no longer need to prove to anyone.

The next thing what he do is buy a car. He does not want anything luxurious, more practical like a SUV, a Ford escape. He laughed bitterly, very conveniently name.

No matter how much he has to pay to release his contractual obligations with the Devils, he will have enough money for a decent life.

Still wanting to deal with something, otherwise he would go crazy. He picked up the vehicle and decided to drive and soon leave the city. Suddenly gets an idea.   
He could live outside the city, have ranch, animals, deal with something new.

*  
Jude is much harder to handle all this. He seems to be standing in place. All they wanted to do together now seems to him to be worthless and meaningless. It was harder to stand pressure on all sides.  
Only Lionel told the truth. She provided him support, but it was still difficult.

Nights were the worst. If he were happy, he would sleep an hour or two. He tried to eat, but he was visibly losing weight. He did not want to surrender, but every another day was worse.

Lionel finally persuades him one night to bring him to a party in her favorite place. Jude agrees with a tough heart, after all, what else can go wrong?

All evening, sit on the bar and pours alcohol in yourself. It did not help.  
From the opposite side, watching him pretty brunette. After a while she sat beside him. Jude is already pretty drink, and she speaks all the right words. Lionel, when sees them, maybe he at least a little relax.

For a time Jude agree to go to her apartment, where they continue   
talking and drinking. And it happens quite naturally when she takes him to bed and embraces him...  
Jude had long ago been with women, he did not do this for the first time, he only thought it would never happen again. But it does not matter, this is only one night, and at least he not so unhappy for a moment.

In the morning, he wakes up crapulous and disgusted with himself. He stood quietly, making sure did not wake up her and only disappeared.   
Shit. He has always hated those people. Now he feels worse. Although they were both grown-ups, he still did not like this part of him. He remember Oscar who has been exploiting people for the all his life. It came to him to vomit at the thought that one night was like him.

On the way to the apartment, he finally decides that it is enough. No more sense to be tied to the club, today will submit resignation. 

For a few next days, he even found a new job. A small agency with fewer than ten employees. They will have consultancy services and will have nothing to do with basketball. Even decides to change the apartment. 

Over time, he had time to go for work and for free activities. He started to go on painting course. Sometimes he would take Lionel for lunch. 

A little by little his life calmed down. He still rejected the idea of any relationship. It hurt too much.

*  
Zero was more and more satisfied with his little ranch. He had animals, taught new things, and tried to enjoy nature. His days were quite fulfilled, at least he did not have time to think.

The blade of pain a little withdrawn. Even occasionally he knew go down to the city. He went in shopping or theater.  
He got a few acquaintances, but no one got close enough to call him a friend. He kept the distance, it’s better.

*  
Jude also had several people from work with whom he sometimes agreed to go for a drink. Still, he always came back alone to the apartment. He was not ready, and he did not know whether he would ever be.

One day, as a thunder from the clear sky, a lawyer is invited him to come to the meeting. The theme of the meeting should be the last will.   
Jude had long had nothing to do with Oscar, even if he wanted to leave him something, he would not agree. But Oscar was still alive. Who could it be than?

He's coming to a small attorney's office at a scheduled time. When they get acquainted, the lawyer immediately goes to the theme.  
There are two clerks and one baby sleeping in the baby cart.  
Jude does not understand what it is.  
Lawyer says he has an obligation to read a will after the death of Natalie Smith.  
Jude still does not understand what it is, and the lawyer continues  
"Mr. Kinkade, Miss Smith passed away after a short and severe illness and left you child."  
Jude turned pale "Natalie Smith? Child? What are you talking about?"

Lawyer asks whether he wants water or something to calm down. "I do not want to calm down, I want somebody to explain me who Natalie is and what do I have with a child?" Jude raised his voice.

"Sir, she left a detailed explanation" lawyer handed him several printed pages. Jude reads and finally understands. Natalie was the woman with whom he spent the night after the party. She did not want anything from him until she got sick. Considering she did not have anyone else, this way she left the child to him.

Jude is horrified "What am I going to do with a small child?" The lawyer explained to him that there was another possibility. If he refuses, simply a child will enter the system and the state will take care of her.

Jude immediately recalls Zero stories about his childhood. Zero would never forgive him.

And he decides in a moment, despite everything. He calls Lionel and asks if she can come right away.


	3. Chapter 3

Lionel and Jude stand in fear and watch in the child they brought to Jude's apartment. The little girl is still asleep.

Jude told her when they came home what had happened and what he had decided about child. She goes with him, but now when they come home, none of them don’t knows what to do.

Jude first gather himself "Someone needs to go buy food, diapers and some clothes. I think you're more capable." Lionel was happy to go shopping and leave Jude with the child.

Meanwhile, the child wakes up and begins to cry. Jude looks at the some things he brought in her bag. He first warmed her bottle on the instructions, put her on his bed and removed her wet diaper. As soon as he releases her feet, the child stops crying. Until he is dressing her give her a car keys to get some fun. Then he took her in the lap and she pulled out of the bottle hungrily.

Jude does not know much about children, but if it's true what Natalie wrote, the child is about a year old.

Soon, Lionel returns with all the necessary, but she does not want to get close to a child "You did not tell me what her name is?" He asks as she stuffs things up.  
"Sara, that’s Natalie wrote" Jude still feeding her, and the little one keeps his finger.

Lionel looks up at them "Jude, will you be able to do it all alone?" she asks impatiently  
Jude smiles "Of course, and I have no other choice, right?"

When Lionel went home, Jude finally realized that Sara was his duty from today. When he fed her, she was still playing some time, but now she is asleep again. He does not dare to go under the shower, fearing something will happen to her.   
He just sticks to her and looks amazed.

The first night and the next few days pass in the blink. Although he never wanted to do this, now he was no longer afraid of it. Everything works as if he had a file in his head, quite natural.  
Days pass through feeding, dressing, playing ... Lionel comes sometimes, so Jude hastily take a shower and returns to Sara again. Eating when she eats, sleeps when she sleeps, catching a little bit of rhythm.

At work they gave him an unlimited number of days until everything was settled. Jude can not recognize himself. How could he be so stupid? Now he understood what Zero was talking about. 

Wherever Zero is now, he wanted to be here. He wanted to see the child, to tell him how sorry he was and how much love him.   
But he can not, because he does not know how would he react and beyond everything he does not know where he is.

 

*  
Zero in the last days feels an inexplicable discomfort. Finally managed to make a living, what could that be?  
Did not Jude happen something? And if it is, it is no longer his concern, is it?

Today they will return to the city. Maybe shopping or quick visit to some of the clubs. That was all he needed. He did not think he was going to bring someone home, only fast fun, nothing more.

*  
For Jude and Sara every new day was an adventure. All documentation has been fixed, they walking every day, every day they learn something new.  
Sara is learning to walk a little bit. She still does not talk, but they still understand it well. Sara is a good kid. It is not demanding and Jude is more relaxed with her.

Although there is little time for anything other than her, Jude is thinking more about Zero. It's been a long time and he probably will not want to see him again, but Jude decides to try. Lionel seemed to read his thoughts "We'll find him, he should know" so she goes in search.  
If Lionel is good in anything, nobody could hide from her.  
One month does not pass when Lionel appears with the address.

Jude that night as Sara sleeps looks at the paper Lionel has given him, contemplating. Eventually he decides, he will try, and if Zero refuses them, he will not be able to repent that he has not tried.

Next morning, He took the basic things for yourself and baby, and Lionel drives them to the airport.  
In NY is a nice day. Jude rent a car, settle Sara and headed to the ranch in total uncertainty.


	4. Chapter 4

The ranch is small but beautiful, just as Jude imagined it. When he got out of the car, took the kid and headed towards the house. He does not see Zero anywhere. He came closer to find him sleeping on the deck chair in the shade.

"Zero" silently calls him. Zero jumped scared and still sleepy "I can not believe it, Jude? Are you fucking up with me?" he looking angrily at him, but softened when looked at child.

As far as Zero is angry, Jude is surprisingly calm. Looking at him, he almost forgot how good he looks. Still gathering himself "Please, just listen to me. I know I did not deserve this, but I'm not asking for anything else."

Zero scalm down and leaving them in the house. Jude change the baby and prepares her bottle. Zero can not believe what he is looking at, but patiently waiting. And then Jude sat down while he was feeding Sara, telling him all about night with Natalie, about her letter, about Sara, all ...

Zero is quiet for a while, then he says quietly "You know what hurts me the most, you did not believe me. And once you promised me that. And you let me down so easily” took a deep breath and continue "I do not know what you expect of me, but these two years will not disappear, as if did not exist."

Jude listened carefully to him, and replied "I know, I still thought you need to know. Whatever you decide I will accept. We will be in the hotel for a few days." He wanted to touch him, but hold back, than got up and with Sarah walked toward the car.

While Jude in town is shopping for herself and Sara. After a couple of days, Zero is still quiet and Jude decides to go home.

He was thinking of moving to a house Zero edited while they were still together, but he was not sure he and Sara needed such a house.  
With Sarah, he could imagine finding another house where she would grow up. He could not even imagine how much happiness she would bring to his life.

*  
Zero had long contemplates and applies for and against. Over the past two years he has struggled to connect the broken pieces of his heart, and now Jude just appeared and shook his world again.  
Sara was beautiful, and he still loved Jude. What prevents him from finally being happy?

*  
"Jude, It’s me" the next morning calls him "I'd love to come back. I do not know if you were thinking about that, would you like to live on a ranch?"

Jude smiled "I'd like to. There is no connection here. Especially since when you are not here. I need a couple of days to fix everything, if you can leave a ranch, come help us."

Zero comes the next day. He looks amazed in Jude and the child. Sara gives him a toy, obviously likes him. He hoped she would accept him soon.

When get everything they need, they go to the ranch. Zero got the basic stuff before he went for them.  
When that night Sarah is asleep, Jude puts her in a new bed. Zero is not sure how to behave, but Jude solves his doubts. Kiss him and take him to the bed.

Lionel is not so happy that Jude just left, but from their casual conversations she can hear how happy he is.  
Sara loves animals on the ranch, and it helps to get involved with Zero too.  
Zero is still a little stiff, but Jude and Sara are all they ever wanted. Sometimes he just sits on the porch and looks at them, and then all his doubts would disappear.

Sara has Jude's eyes that Zero is even more attached to her. Maybe all had to be like this, he think, and even hard time while they were separate, worth it all this.

Sara was too young to remember her mother, so she seemed to fit perfectly. Every day he learns a new word, runs on a farm, always brings something fascinating. Zero and Jude look happy as she grow up and feel like every new day erases everything bad from the past.

If they watch TV, she's squeezes between them. If one works, the other is playing with her. Zero always indulged her, so Jude asks why he always has to be strict one. But he do not be angry for a long time, or Sara look him with puppy eyes or Zero whispers him a promise he'll make it up tonight.

Now there were two souls that came back to each other and one little one that reunited them again. Does anyone need more?


End file.
